from within

05.03.15 Trincomalee Mohan's Place (2)The paradox is.. Enlightenment DOES NOT EXIST. But to gain this clear seeing – one has to become ‘enlightened’. How much of a mind fuck is that? And how many fall at this biggest hurdle?

Beautiful altered states of Consciousness are a transient fluke, a very convincing, powerful occurance which induces yearning to repeat the experience. It’s not ‘it’.

Feeling ‘in love’ with all and sundry, ready to partake in this human experience of Togetherness, however tear jerking and tender it may be (I’ve been there too) – is not ‘it’.

Death of psychological Self, as much as it removes the chaos of human emotions from the equasion and places the distance between the ‘I’ and the ‘you’ – is not ‘it’.

The purported Ego death (this biggest of lies which keeps sincere seekers chasing their own tail for posterity) – is not ‘it’.

‘Know Thyself’, as much as it makes this Life journey easier and infused with Awareness – is not ‘it’.

What IS IT, then?

Do away with the glorification of the seeking process and its side effects… and the mysticism of it all. Pink Floyd expressed it very simply, whether they were privy to this stunning and very ordinary discovery, or whether it was the precociousness of Grace… they sang this:

Breathe, breathe in the air.
Don’t be afraid to care.
Leave but don’t leave me.
Look around and choose your own ground.

Long you live and high you fly
And smiles you’ll give and tears you’ll cry
And all you touch and all you see
Is all your life will ever be.

And these last two lines – are ‘Enlightenment’.
It’s the GREATEST gig there ever was. So yeah… I’d be damned in my ‘enlightened’ being…. What else is there to say as Jed asserts… not much really.


Settled. All of it. ALL of it.

That’s how it ends so. The Search, the questions, the trust, the not knowing what to do with all this new vision… it ends in Peace and Being. And do I really need or want a blog now? Words don’t seem to come so easily, I write this and hesitate, because there is nothing to say. Only Life. Only ‘Is’ left.

I have nothing to say to Jed Mckenna, or to Mark (in the same way they have nothing for me to hear).. these distant virtual companions of mine for the past few years. True, but not real, only the apparitions made up of ones and zeros, I don’t know them, have never known, never will, because Truth doesn’t destroy the costumes, and the veils will be worn, ah don’t we all murmur superficial gibberish to one another, carefully concealing the inner worlds that consume our waking lives… and not SEEN by ANYONE. How odd, the only important feature of our existence, the One and Only Inner Universe in need of tender loving care – neglected.

And I feel a sense of Boredom. Bored, for all the earthly toys, including own oscillation around the Inner Centre (read ‘human drama’), all varnished, and nothing came in to replace that. All the beaches in the world have been seen. Bored.

The Key has been found, and thrown away, and it could not be more simple. Truth is irreducible.

Ah what to do…

2014-05-02 13.27.47I’ve paid my dues to the gods of delusion – in full.

An evolved Piscean Sun is truly not concerned with leaving a mark, desires no recognition. No dent has been left in Reality of this existence – by anyone. Tutankhamun, a boy king, remembered for… THE MASK. As spectacular as it is ( I saw it in Cairo many years ago) >>>>>>>>>> ironic. A material artefact leading to incidental fame. The lightbulb invention and Theory of Relativity belong in the artefact category too. I doubt Einstein cares about any of it now. Perished in the same way a stray dog does.

Supreme Intelligence knows this and knows its own insignificance from such a far away place that no human concept can cover it. Not ‘a drop in the ocean’, this reduction to the lesser….  I AM the Ocean. I know with certainty only two things… I BE. I will die. The Humankind stubbornly refuses to accept cold facts, despite hundreds of thousands of years >>>>>>>>> living and dying those facts. Immortality of Consciousness is a matter of belief. Everything dies, nothing goes uninterrupted. Death is eternal, Life – is not. In my Consciousness (Universe) anything is possible, everything comes to life, the only true Reality we have. In only that sense – we are immortal and All and Nothing. I leave no trace in the world. I walk unnoticed, although the irony of it, again.. I’m very much noticed here, hahaha

It will end:)

..Humanity is born in the dark sellar, not out in the sunshine. ‘War’ and ‘soul’ and ‘God’ and ‘Darkness’ and ‘Light’ and ‘Love’ are fearful terms, masking as noble ‘truths’. Universe, the TRUE Universe – is empty. VERY empty. It has no concern for the man made world. The life of a human…. is worth nothing. Including yours and mine. But it doesn’t make one more cruel. True IS-ness can’t abuse. It makes for compassion, the real one, not the pretence of a soup kitchen. If everyone knew this kind of compassion – the world would not need any soup kitchens.The compassion of not using people to achieve own pitiful agenda. Humankind as a whole will NEVER transcend, that is clear as daylight to me. Jesus… Buddha… current guys pacifist missionary attempts to break into Collective Subconscious….. all laughable. I saw the Blueprint. You can’t beat it.

I have no beliefs.

The indesputable reality of Death has taught me to seek only one thing in Life – Joy. This comes in many forms. Sure, I have preferences… to have a roof over my head rather than sleep in a cave… to eat rather than starve.. to be healthy rather than in pain.. Money is the means (a tool) of maintaining those preferences, no more.

We will all express the true nature of us, whether individual Consciousness is elevated or dwells below… feel no need to defend your choices and the ‘who’ of you.  You are enough already, and perfect in that. Whole-istic, not holy-istic.

…came across this “When Po-chang was asked to define Zen, he said, “When hungry, eat, when tired, sleep.”  the essence of existence… he didn’t include ‘fuck’ in it LOL

No one gets Zen, least of all lives it.


I live in Sri Lanka now. It’s been four months. Awakening takes away fear – of Life.

I spent a few hours up at Koneswaram Temple which is only a five minute bicycle ride from me. It stood here since 400 BC, one of the sacred sites for Hindus, and is mentioned in Mahabharata. I wasn’t looking for the temple, just felt like climbing up above the ocean, but there it was. The same as in France when we rolled into a town looking for bread and water and found a magnificent chauteau with Leonardo Da Vinci’s grave.

A fake is a fake by a thousand names. Dragging a statue of Christ through the streets of Lisbon is no different to floating Shiva around any town in India. Hugging a totem pole beyond the Arctic Circle is the same as peering into faces of Easter Island idols. That’s why I don’t have a programme on hitting every ‘culture’ spot here.

They’ve just had the Shiva float here, it takes place at all sorts of hours, surreal and noisy, but all in good (albeit human) faith.

BUT. I loved being up there. It sits atop the Swami rock over the Ocean into the vertigenous cliffs, the crows fly between the columns, there is an air of gentle decay, abandonment and a spirit of generations who lived, believed, perished; nothing, but a fairytale left. The breeze from the ocean sings in the ears, and a giant statue of Golden Shiva gazes past you into the distance of the harbour. So peaceful, no crowds, no tourists. I shudder to think about this becoming like the Pyramids. When I saw those at 25, I wanted to cry.. from a shrill sense of impossibility to be one to one with eternity… fucking crowds, and sure I was one of them too.

A Temple worker perceptively told me ‘You love it here, don’t you.. come any time’. The devastating beauty of the location and a strange air of dignity that the human touch afforded it.. when you see both the military ship patrolling the harbour AND a giant turtoise splashing at the surface.. just fills one with gratitude for being part of it all… in this needle of space and time. I could die there tomorrow, and that would be OK.

The Divine Aloneness, even when surrounded by thousands is the Gift of Awakening.

Red Heart

Let’s look at the VERY basics. What motivates you in this life? What is it? It’s rather simple… YOU as an individual organism – want to live. It’s the root of all the selfishness in the world. If we can face this fact FIRST, unclouded by all the concepts of ‘goodness’ and ‘charity’, it makes the journey a bit easier. Remember Maslow pyramid? Food and shelter – first. Forget about the cast off robes of man made Ego Identities, those are the easiest to burn. What no one tells you (or maybe, they do, I have little patience for formal spiritual teachings) – you will face the primary Ego of you, at the level of instinct, oh it’s a tricky thing… Forget about agape for a minute, detach from it. YOU WANT TO LIVE, no matter how much life sucks, no matter how much suffering you witness.

The Primary Ego wants to live. That’s why true Love is so rare. Jesus didn’t die for love of Humanity as a whole or for love, for that matter.. He died – for being true to his inner Principle, that of not being a lie. The principle of ‘All begins with you, and any external authority is false’.. which the external authority punished him for. The Principle beats Primary Ego with a stick, annihilates it. But once you went through the Big Bang, whether it was a quiet or an earth shattering event for you… you begin to see that Love is so NOT what the world calls ‘love’.

Universal love in the form proselytized out there – doesn’t exist, impossible in that context. Yeah, sing Kumbaya together. Would you GIVE YOUR LIFE for your singing companion? For your neighbour? Please get real here. What IS possible is plain respect for the fact that your soul has as much validity and right to exist as mine. There is nothing separating us in that right, nothing which divides anything into ‘good’ and ‘bad’. The feeling of Unity which comes with Awakening – wipes out all egoic perceptions of own ‘importance’. The Absolute LAUGHS a this, it’s got a great sense of humour, people. Empathy and compassion come from this respect, and our mutual coexistence has to be negotiated every second along those lines. This is nature of ‘impersonal love’, although I wouldn’t define it as love in its true sense.

What IS personal love, then? It’s an ability to treat another organism as if it is – YOUR ORGANISM. As if it is – YOU. As if it’s survival takes priority. An absolute and CONSCIOUS negation of Primary Ego in favour of another organism, up to the point of physical death. It’s free, non grasping, non manipulative. Love energy is pure of intent, always flowing towards the person, there is nothing in it to want for self, nothing at all. True love is consciously transcendent, a Spirit, a bond outside of sexual desire (‘outside’ doesn’t mean ‘absence of’). The blend of energy between two people has to be very unique for this to happen. I don’t want to use words like ‘sacred’, ‘eternal’, ‘divine’ in this context, they’ve been marred by pseudo spiritual teachings.

It transcends the animal nature of us, the base desire for survival. Your instincts to grab and hold the person for own ‘use’ dissolve into Nothingness. You look  another in the eye and all you want – is for them to thrive – with or without you. True Love is absolute and absolutely unconditional and FREE.

Can you really BE THAT? DO THAT? Only you know the answer, and it can be as good a time as any – to start searching within. I just want to say here… I can’t even begin to express just how much it sets you free – from the Game people play every day out there with one another.


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