from within

2014-05-02 13.27.47I’ve paid my dues to the gods of delusion – in full.

An evolved Piscean Sun is truly not concerned with leaving a mark, desires no recognition. No dent has been left in Reality of this existence – by anyone. Tutankhamun, a boy king, remembered for… THE MASK. As spectacular as it is ( I saw it in Cairo many years ago) >>>>>>>>>> ironic. A material artefact leading to incidental fame. The lightbulb invention and Theory of Relativity belong in the artefact category too. I doubt Einstein cares about any of it now. Perished in the same way a stray dog does.

Supreme Intelligence knows this and knows its own insignificance from such a far away place that no human concept can cover it. Not ‘a drop in the ocean’, this reduction to the lesser….  I AM the Ocean. I know with certainty only two things… I BE. I will die. The Humankind stubbornly refuses to accept cold facts, despite hundreds of thousands of years >>>>>>>>> living and dying those facts. Immortality of Consciousness is a matter of belief. Everything dies, nothing goes uninterrupted. Death is eternal, Life – is not. In my Consciousness (Universe) anything is possible, everything comes to life, the only true Reality we have. In only that sense – we are immortal and All and Nothing. I leave no trace in the world. I walk unnoticed, although the irony of it, again.. I’m very much noticed here, hahaha

It will end:)

..Humanity is born in the dark sellar, not out in the sunshine. ‘War’ and ‘soul’ and ‘God’ and ‘Darkness’ and ‘Light’ and ‘Love’ are fearful terms, masking as noble ‘truths’. Universe, the TRUE Universe – is empty. VERY empty. It has no concern for the man made world. The life of a human…. is worth nothing. Including yours and mine. But it doesn’t make one more cruel. True IS-ness can’t abuse. It makes for compassion, the real one, not the pretence of a soup kitchen. If everyone knew this kind of compassion – the world would not need any soup kitchens.The compassion of not using people to achieve own pitiful agenda. Humankind as a whole will NEVER transcend, that is clear as daylight to me. Jesus… Buddha… current guys pacifist missionary attempts to break into Collective Subconscious….. all laughable. I saw the Blueprint. You can’t beat it.

I have no beliefs.

The indesputable reality of Death has taught me to seek only one thing in Life – Joy. This comes in many forms. Sure, I have preferences… to have a roof over my head rather than sleep in a cave… to eat rather than starve.. to be healthy rather than in pain.. Money is the means (a tool) of maintaining those preferences, no more.

We will all express the true nature of us, whether individual Consciousness is elevated or dwells below… feel no need to defend your choices and the ‘who’ of you.  You are enough already, and perfect in that. Whole-istic, not holy-istic.

…came across this “When Po-chang was asked to define Zen, he said, “When hungry, eat, when tired, sleep.”  the essence of existence… he didn’t include ‘fuck’ in it LOL

No one gets Zen, least of all lives it.


I live in Sri Lanka now. It’s been four months. Awakening takes away fear – of Life.

I spent a few hours up at Koneswaram Temple which is only a five minute bicycle ride from me. It stood here since 400 BC, one of the sacred sites for Hindus, and is mentioned in Mahabharata. I wasn’t looking for the temple, just felt like climbing up above the ocean, but there it was. The same as in France when we rolled into a town looking for bread and water and found a magnificent chauteau with Leonardo Da Vinci’s grave.

A fake is a fake by a thousand names. Dragging a statue of Christ through the streets of Lisbon is no different to floating Shiva around any town in India. Hugging a totem pole beyond the Arctic Circle is the same as peering into faces of Easter Island idols. That’s why I don’t have a programme on hitting every ‘culture’ spot here.

They’ve just had the Shiva float here, it takes place at all sorts of hours, surreal and noisy, but all in good (albeit human) faith.

BUT. I loved being up there. It sits atop the Swami rock over the Ocean into the vertigenous cliffs, the crows fly between the columns, there is an air of gentle decay, abandonment and a spirit of generations who lived, believed, perished; nothing, but a fairytale left. The breeze from the ocean sings in the ears, and a giant statue of Golden Shiva gazes past you into the distance of the harbour. So peaceful, no crowds, no tourists. I shudder to think about this becoming like the Pyramids. When I saw those at 25, I wanted to cry.. from a shrill sense of impossibility to be one to one with eternity… fucking crowds, and sure I was one of them too.

A Temple worker perceptively told me ‘You love it here, don’t you.. come any time’. The devastating beauty of the location and a strange air of dignity that the human touch afforded it.. when you see both the military ship patrolling the harbour AND a giant turtoise splashing at the surface.. just fills one with gratitude for being part of it all… in this needle of space and time. I could die there tomorrow, and that would be OK.

The Divine Aloneness, even when surrounded by thousands is the Gift of Awakening.

Red Heart

Let’s look at the VERY basics. What motivates you in this life? What is it? It’s rather simple… YOU as an individual organism – want to live. It’s the root of all the selfishness in the world. If we can face this fact FIRST, unclouded by all the concepts of ‘goodness’ and ‘charity’, it makes the journey a bit easier. Remember Maslow pyramid? Food and shelter – first. Forget about the cast off robes of man made Ego Identities, those are the easiest to burn. What no one tells you (or maybe, they do, I have little patience for formal spiritual teachings) – you will face the primary Ego of you, at the level of instinct, oh it’s a tricky thing… Forget about agape for a minute, detach from it. YOU WANT TO LIVE, no matter how much life sucks, no matter how much suffering you witness.

The Primary Ego wants to live. That’s why true Love is so rare. Jesus didn’t die for love of Humanity as a whole or for love, for that matter.. He died – for being true to his inner Principle, that of not being a lie. The principle of ‘All begins with you, and any external authority is false’.. which the external authority punished him for. The Principle beats Primary Ego with a stick, annihilates it. But once you went through the Big Bang, whether it was a quiet or an earth shattering event for you… you begin to see that Love is so NOT what the world calls ‘love’.

Universal love in the form proselytized out there – doesn’t exist, impossible in that context. Yeah, sing Kumbaya together. Would you GIVE YOUR LIFE for your singing companion? For your neighbour? Please get real here. What IS possible is plain respect for the fact that your soul has as much validity and right to exist as mine. There is nothing separating us in that right, nothing which divides anything into ‘good’ and ‘bad’. The feeling of Unity which comes with Awakening – wipes out all egoic perceptions of own ‘importance’. The Absolute LAUGHS a this, it’s got a great sense of humour, people. Empathy and compassion come from this respect, and our mutual coexistence has to be negotiated every second along those lines. This is nature of ‘impersonal love’, although I wouldn’t define it as love in its true sense.

What IS personal love, then? It’s an ability to treat another organism as if it is – YOUR ORGANISM. As if it is – YOU. As if it’s survival takes priority. An absolute and CONSCIOUS negation of Primary Ego in favour of another organism, up to the point of physical death. It’s free, non grasping, non manipulative. Love energy is pure of intent, always flowing towards the person, there is nothing in it to want for self, nothing at all. True love is consciously transcendent, a Spirit, a bond outside of sexual desire (‘outside’ doesn’t mean ‘absence of’). The blend of energy between two people has to be very unique for this to happen. I don’t want to use words like ‘sacred’, ‘eternal’, ‘divine’ in this context, they’ve been marred by pseudo spiritual teachings.

It transcends the animal nature of us, the base desire for survival. Your instincts to grab and hold the person for own ‘use’ dissolve into Nothingness. You look  another in the eye and all you want – is for them to thrive – with or without you. True Love is absolute and absolutely unconditional and FREE.

Can you really BE THAT? DO THAT? Only you know the answer, and it can be as good a time as any – to start searching within. I just want to say here… I can’t even begin to express just how much it sets you free – from the Game people play every day out there with one another.

Before we can love Life and all in it, we have to SEE it for WHAT IT IS. Or else it’s a fallacy, the same as saying ‘I love this new dress I ordered’, while never having opened the box in which it arrived. A life of an idealist is that of a fool’s paradise which clashes with Reality. It does as much damage as the worst of tyranies – it keeps people enslaved in the bubble, unhappy, discontent and strapped to the past and illusion. Yet.. people prefer Darkness (blindness) to Light (clear vision). Or perhaps they don’t ‘prefer’ it, they simply don’t know it can be so very different. EVERYTHING becomes different once the eyes are fully open.

It becomes free.

Our basic nature is that of a true, wild life animal. True compassion and unconditional love are alien in an animal, humans included. That’s another split in the fabric of Reality. If the opposite were true, we would be selflessly putting the needs of others before our own all the time. The majority of people derive a sense of personal satisfaction from kind deeds, hardly a ‘no reward’ selfless giving… Just ask yourself how many people you know that are able to perform acts of love – anonymously, without a recipient being aware where it comes from. Even more, how many would be able to do that over the course of a lifetime. In the context of human lives true unconditional love – is near non existent. People settle for various degrees of ‘less’… who can blame them.

It’s a Unicorn.

Maternal ‘love’ is no exception. Maternal instinct is not love, to believe that is to fool ourselves. I’ve seen mother alligators being extremely nurturing and tender with the eggs. Would you honestly call it ‘true love’? Look around at relationships that exist between mothers and children. Observe the unconscious game to control the offspring. There is nothing conscious in an instinct.

Animals who were given an ability to CREATE. So they’ve created an ugly upscaled version – of an animal world. An Animal Farm. Animals who don’t know they have a CHOICE. The Mind asleep, the Heart shut, The Body – on a rampage. The Holy Trinity of Humanity.

There is nothing ‘mystical’, other worldly in Awakening, and no elevated, out of body experience will take you there. It’s about seeing Truth, in everything around, from your own relationships to those of people and organisations to the entirity of this world and beyond. Want to levitate?…. You’ll come down with a thud.

People follow religious traditions believing this path will take them to Enlightenment. Well… they’ve got it backwards. They don’t question what Enlightenment IS and what it is they are TRULY after.

Here is THE question which every person will ask themselves eventually….. WHAT IS THE MEANING OF IT ALL. What the hell am I doing in this world and why? Some will ask early enough, some – later on in life, and for some it will only come in the last moments of life. Yep. This question WILL get you, whether you like it or not. The last few breaths before you die – is a bit too late. Ask – well in advance of this significant day.

You may decide not to bother. True nature of Reality is unbelievably harsh, and Enlightenment is not about a pretty glowing ball of light. True reality is devoid of love and compassion and emotion, a dark place. There is nothing humane in there, when one sees to the very basics. If you have a comfortable life, and the voice of discontent is not too loud – do not seek Truth. There is NOTHING PRETTY about it. At All. I understood that too well now. But what you WILL gain after this initial shock – an unbelievable appreciation of Life. Sounds as a paradox, but Enlightenment is all about paradoxes, no kidding.

So… if you still want to go there (most likely because Life has you by the throat)…. you don’t become a fish by strapping on the fins and hoping it will give you giblets to swim underwater. MEANING ……………… you don’t meditate, follow a practice, pray, go to church blah blah blah – without UNDERSTANDING the nature of reality FIRST. Otherwise all you are doing is strapping on the fins. You are IMMITATING something. Don’t you think it’s kind of silly to believe that if you paint black stripes on your body – you will become a tiger? What is the difference between doing that and chanting, taking up the Buddha pose ,  wearing orange robes or taking the Holy Commnion? Just be honest and ask yourself… why are you doing all this? What are you wanting, really?

The practice will come in later, AFTER, as a conscious choice. You choose not to be an animal. CONSCIOUSLY. That choice might feel mightily uncomfortable, going against your true nature, most people have no idea what their TRUE nature is.

That choice is what Divnity is all about.


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